0 | Uploaded on February, 8,
2011 | 1 year ago How did we get here again. That’s what I’ve been asking myself all night, sitting on the balcony, chain smoking like the sky was about to fall apart atop me. I wish I could understand this. I really do. And I wish I didn’t feel so goddamn helpless.
I threw some things across the room. And my throat is raw from all that sweet smoke. And I wanted to hurt someone last night, so much more than I ever have in my entire life. This is too much.
You said you wanted to leave here last week. And I said that I did, too. And as much as I know I would miss you, I think you should get out. I think you should go somewhere that makes you feel beautiful and alive. Somewhere you want to wake up to. Because no, there isn’t anything here for you. And I cannot continue to watch you spiral out. I love you too fucking much.
So much is changing and been changing now. Pages are turning and chapters are coming to an end. I don’t know what to do or how to feel aside from awful. I prayed that this would never happen again, but not everything works out the way we’d like it to.
I realize this is not about me, but it feels like a part of myself is breaking off. Floating away until it’s out of sight. I don’t really know who you are anymore. Not really, anyway. And that’s a hard thing to admit.
I love you. With all of my heart, I do. Through everything. And it hurts so much.
I just want everything to be okay. For you to be okay. I honestly cannot handle this again.
